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thoughts & reflections

"We tell stories with hopes that we may be truly heard."
~Isabel Mares
  • Writer's pictureKatherine Newell Okojie

being transgender is a gift from god

Updated: Jul 13, 2023

When I met my daughter a few years ago, she was growing in her self-awareness and exploring her identity. Online schooling didn’t provide her with much social/emotional engagement with her peers, but by the time first grade rolled around, she was expressing her individuality wholly, and quite queerly. Throughout my life I have gravitated towards queer friends who became family, so this path of self expression didn’t phase me much.

Having a queer kiddo was a gift I was grateful for.

As the years went by, her understanding of herself continued to evolve and mature, leading to her coming out as trans. I know that many parents have historically reacted to their children freely expressing themselves with disdain and division, but my response was one of wonder, joy, and pride.

I can’t speak to her personal experience, but I can share my own feelings of fulfillment and happiness as her mother. Seeing her dreams match with her sense of self was a dream come true for me, too. The alignment in her body, soul, and in our family has been waves of goodness. Gender is a spectrum and a social construct, and it has been a journey of coming home watching our daughter transition into the spunky, powerful, brilliant, and courageous girl she is.

As a spiritual leader, there was no contradiction in my faith, as I am interspiritual and have made it a point to manifest rituals with open-hearted folks. Being transgender is a gift from god. It is a sacred path that I believe some of humanity’s greatest teachers are on. There is nothing wrong or out of alignment with being trans– in fact, it’s a sojourn specifically tuned towards re-alignment that encourages us all to reclaim our sovereignty, if we’re open to witnessing the magic of true transformation.

Watching my daughter figure out her style, her voice, her calling has been one of the greatest joys of my life. There is nothing difficult or sinful about being trans– it’s the attacks from the rest of the world that we are on high alert for. The misgendering by family, teachers, and students, the lawmakers who are currently attempting to exterminate transgender Americans, and the constant fear we live in being parents of a Black trans girl, one of the largest groups targeted for hate crimes.

I say all of this because you ought to know how blissfully happy my family is, and how fiercely I will protect this amazing little girl. She deserves a fabulous name of her choosing, curiosity, and love for and from her community. She deserves to be treated like every other kid who is discovering themselves and manifesting their way in this world.

Acknowledging all the opportunities and joy I hope to continue to shower her with brings up much resentment that I have to protect my child from over half the states in our nation and many haters using their faith to further cruelty. I am exhausted carrying around this anger (and a side of fear.) As a ritual crafter and mom, I know a space is needed to alchemize the constant barrage of bullshit trans folx are receiving.

To do a snippet of my part to transform this unfair reality, my colleague in magic, Sidney Shaw, and I are joining together to unleash the rage that is stirring within us. We invite you to join us for another Rage Ritual (date to be announced soon) to lift up queer voices and trans power. In person and online we will go deep with you as the layers of oppression slough off (even momentarily) and your soul finds respite. Please consider joining Sidney and I to activate and relinquish our rage.

And thank you for listening to a smidgen of our story. It is an honor to love and be loved by someone trans.

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